I have this habit of pushing myself to the limit, without perhaps realizing what I'm taking on. I can't decide if it's ambition, or naivety, recklessness or just straight up stupidity. But I do it. Over and over again.
I like being busy. I like working with talented people on exciting projects. Most importantly, I like what I do. I've got six weeks of solid activity coming up, not the least of which is two nights of shows with my band, The Unrequited Love this Friday and Saturday night. And the first night we'll be recording the concert for a live album release. Oh boy, indeed.
It seems that I know when I've taken on too much at about 3:30 in the morning. Y'know, when I wake up with heart palpitations, certain that everything is going to fall apart and that I will be left in the rubble of my crumbled dreams wondering why I didn't see this coming.
It's rather dramatic.
Panic and anxiety seem to be part of my business plan. A part that I'd like to edit out. My friend Elan, aka Schmutzie, wrote a beautifully honest blogpost about just this very thing. The presence of anxiety and one's attachment to it. It resonated. So much.
But you know what really kills me about it all? The fact that I am so supported by my community. I mean, Jesus... prairie dog magazine put my damn band on the cover this week. Verb Magazine ran a piece about the show too. The Leader Post is publishing a bit later this week. Then there's everyone behind The Lyric Theatre and The Artesian on 13th - Shann, Marlo, Chad, Vince, Deb and my dear friend Andrew... people who have encouraged me and bent over backwards to assist in whatever way possible since I started the Belle Plaine project.
I can't even start to count the man hours that my amazing band has dedicated to these two shows thus far. They keep agreeing to my demands and I am so grateful that they feel my music worth their effort. It is a true privilege to play with them. I appreciate every rehearsal, contribution and pep talk they offer. This is especially true of Jeremy and Beth, who give more than I could ever ask for. And then some. I am very lucky to have them all on my side - even if I do tell the prairie dog that their heads are on the chopping block for comedic value.
And then there's everyone who comes to the show. You guys who buy the tickets and merch. It just doesn't happen without that support. It overwhelms and astonishes me every time.
You would think I could rest easy amidst the confidence of those around me. But that's anxiety: the loudest voice, and the one that transmits the most bullshit.
Listen. I just want to put on a show that you all will enjoy. And it seems I'll make myself crazy doing it if I have to. I truly hope you enjoy what we have to offer this weekend in Regina on the 14th and in Swift Current on the 15th. We've worked hard for you.
All my love and gratitude this Valentine's week.
xoxoxo
bp
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